I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
