in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
