dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
