I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We just shotgunned beers for America
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
