coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
