We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
