so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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