Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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