What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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