3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
