I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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