Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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