just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize