Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
