i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
