she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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