I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
