My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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