I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
