he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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