I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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