just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
