the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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