Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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