we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
