I want to stick my p in your. b.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
