these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
