Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The uberlube is also flammable
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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