it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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