loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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