your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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