okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
