If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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