I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
