I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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