I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
