Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
