My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
