at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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