I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
