I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
