I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
