I'm jealous of your bromance
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
