Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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