No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
