Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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