I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
