My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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