I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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