Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
