Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
