fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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