i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
