Your face is a jimmy john
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
