we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
