Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
