His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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