Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
