I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
