I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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