By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
