You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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