what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize