tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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