The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize