For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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