At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
