Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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