Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
