I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
