My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
