When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
