i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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