His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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