..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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