is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
