I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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