I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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