Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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