God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
