I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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