I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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