The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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