that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
