literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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