I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
