At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
