I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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