i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
