The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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