new low.... made out with someone while peeing
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize