I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My sheets look like a crime scene.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
