I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
