Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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