Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
