Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
