i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
